I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
