Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
