I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize