I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
