You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
