have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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