i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
