woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
