the condom got lost in my hair
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
