there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
