I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
