gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
