In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize