i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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