I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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