I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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