He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
