So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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