My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My ass is underappreciated
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
