So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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