her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
