Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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