I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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