My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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