So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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