Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
