So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
