In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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