I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
