don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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