Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
