just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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