Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
