i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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