I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize