Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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