I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
