nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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