Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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