I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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