Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
