i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
