That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
