I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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