He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
