I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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