sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
