It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I did not marry a roomba.
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