babies were throwing up all over the place
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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