Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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