Sry I called you an 8
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
