She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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