once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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