Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
