quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize