dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
