The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
