Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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