this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Acid is not a monday night drug
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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