sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize