In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
