he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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