they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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