I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
