i just had sex bonerless
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
