Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
not ubering you a puppy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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