Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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