Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
