ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
