i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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