You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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