If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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