So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
