Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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