Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
