did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
