I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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