YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
