My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
