Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
