my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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