id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
