I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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